he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
