I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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