I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
