please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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