she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
