just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
