I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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