U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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