I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
