Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
