On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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