Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
