I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
