so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
