Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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