Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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