Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
