Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
