Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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