oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
