you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
