Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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