We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
