Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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