My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
