dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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