At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
why do cheetos always look like penises
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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