drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
