Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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