I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
