PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
