I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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