so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
