She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
