I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
