I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
