He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
