my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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