just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
