i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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