how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
