i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
