sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
