i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
