yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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