I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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