She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
