I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
