shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
