i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
