i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
