I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
