i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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