dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
