Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
