I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
