a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
