Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
