i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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