4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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