Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
