How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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